Zen
This journey was by far my most profound one to date.
This kind of journey for me still is difficult to describe. I say so, simply because we have labels and classifications in our languages to qualify something as good or bad, or profound when in the end it was neither of those, it was just what it was. The things I saw, the feelings that I felt and where I went.
What I can describe to anyone is this. It was BOTH painful AND deeply blissful. It revealed a powerful strength that I have which is I do not panic when things go bad for me, I look for the solution, hence when things got scary, I basically would breathe deeper until the scary parts passed. The next part was that I know nothing other than my own experience, and love and enjoy all of it and celebrate it deeply and happily. This is something I have put to into practice lately and it fills me with the love and peace, this was another extension and chance to practice this.
As this also called me to dip into my breath, it reminded me to make a daily practice of deep and mindful breathing. It’s been particularly enjoyable to do this once a day for up to 30 mins. I get to observe sensations in my body as the time passes while I do it.
This journey also made me aware of the fact that while my diet was pretty good already, that it’s time to be more intentional about my food habits and make some more adjustments to my diet. I had some massive farts in the Ivan and Lana’s bathroom that felt like big massive ones that I don’t usually have and it was an indication to make adjustments with regards to this lol…
Lately I’ve been connecting with arch angles Michael, Uriel and Raphael and I’ve got other protective spirits and guides and I’ve been familiarizing myself with them in order to allow those channels to open and I feel as if they carried me that day to other places and they showed me the deeper edges of eternity. It was so beautiful to witness that I had not ever imagined this, and such an eternity as vast as I was able to view in such a short time.
This journey reminded me of the future I will never see with my son, and while all I can do is attempt, the key word being attempt to prepare him for this future, it also gave me a deep sense of both esse and sorrow knowing it will not be with him, I weep with deep gratitude that such a beautiful person in the making chose me to be his father and Grace as his mother. It is such a privilege to be of service to such an infinite being during his first phase of his experience here.
It also reminded me of the compassion to have with my mother and to serve her as well as she served me long before I ever knew I was being served at all… 🤣🙏🏼❤️ so in her craziness and old age all I’ve wanted to do I love her, and despite her slowly increasing bitterness etc, I am committing to loving her as much as I can. Someone who is hurting so much only externalizes such things because she lacks the ability and capacity as she is now. So be it.
While years ago I used to expect her to respect my boundaries and I even moved across the world for 9 years to make sense of it subconsciously, in order to disassociate myself from her in order for me to get back to where I must be in order to move on. While it DOES challenge me, this journey served a massive purpose for me to always listen to my heart and to surrender to it and not to my mind, and to love, and not judge.
When it comes to each medicine, I am deeply humbled that such things exist that allow me to remind myself day to day how incredible this life is, and how amazing all people are even if they don’t see it.
To be honest none of this I have described even touches the surface of how I am feeling, or even the journey I was able to witness.